Better put up my umbrella...

I swear that I am the most unlucky person around. I think the approximate count company wide was 170 people. That is a lot. I'm not too worried about myself because i've already been pounding the pavement and contacting people I know in the industry. Seems that there is still a need for my skill set out there. I'll keep you posted. God, I hate looking for a new job. I'm going to try and keep a positive attitude for as long as I can.

There is a lot of change happening in my life and everyone who knows me knows that I hate change. Loss of my job, Angela leaving and everything else that is going on.

Depressing.

One good thing that has happened is that my good friend Blake got VIP tickets to go see BT perform at the Sundance Film Festival. So Blake, Cody and I drove up there on Saturday and watched the performance which was totally amazing, and it was nice for all three of us to get together and hang out.

Anyways,

~mbh signing off...

Down the rabbit hole...

Where will it lead?

I've been having dreams lately. Random. Some strange, some wonderful. Some so completely outrageous.

In one I was a WWII German Infantryman blasting through the allied advance through France. It was so real and violent.

Next.

A dream so wonderful that I would have killed myself to stay in. The details are so fuzzy on this one that I all know is that reality comparitively was so chokingly depressing.

Next.

A weird dream about high school. The events in this dream were so accurate to how things really were. It was a summer day and I was driving my blue truck down the Old Mill road in Leland, Julie was there, The Police was playing on my tape deck. Roxanne. I was singing in a really high voice trying to sound like Sting and Julie was laughing her ass off at me. I remember the feel of the air coming in from the windows. The bumps in the road. It was like I travelled back in time. But why that memory?

Back to reality... oops, there goes gravity.

My new iTouch is bricked and I'm pissed like no other. That thing is my life. Music is to me what oxygen is to humans. And it's the new year and I can't get the damn thing fixed. I was up til five in the morning watching every damn YouTube video on how to un-brick an iTouch. To no avail.

Quiet on the set...

I get the feeling that I'm losing my mind. My life is one big set-up. (ala the Truman Show). I feel that I'm watching myself from a camera angle or third-person. I hear music in my head to reflect the scene. Too much magic bus and my brain is mush.

New Year, Happy?

I'm glad 2008 is over. It's over. However I don't suspect 2009 is going to be much better for me but we'll see. It's only the first day of the year. I'm obviously not where I want to be at this juncture in my life. I've done and experienced so much in my life. More than probably %95 of people my age (buy my autobiography when it hits shelves). But what do I have to show for it?

mbh signing off...

Saturdays, oh how I love thee...

Another Saturday come and gone. Out of all seven days of the week Saturday has to be the best day of them all. No work, get to sleep in, be spontaneous by sitting on the couch watching TV or playing with my Wii Wii. Watching movies and basically doing whatever I want. Today I did a bit of all. I went up to Angela's but only had time to really drive her to work which was good by me because I got to see her. I washed my car (it was filthy). I filled up my gas tank at $2.73! I watched Snatch twice because I took a nap and it started over. I then played some Wii, watched another movie. Totally relaxing. Now that the BIG PROJECT is over at work (ranked #2 product on the Gartner Group ITExpo's top 10 things companies should have [which is an awesome thing to be ranked that high]) I think I'm going to start to go over to 9-10's and have every other Friday off. That's like having 6 Saturdays a month! SCHWEET by me. Who knows how busy I'll be but hopefully things will be a little slower heading into the holiday season at work.

Anyways,

~mbh signing off...

Wishing on a Dogstar...

Oy,

It's been what? A little while since I've posted anything? So, here I am. Not a whole lot has changed since last post. I grew a beard and a crazy fro. I worked my butt off at work. Downloaded some new music, watched some Dexter. Tried to not get in any wrecks. I've missed the last couple days of work because I've been ill. I dragged my butt out of bed today just to go to work and get a flu shot (I didn't pass out this year). It's fall now. Cold. Cold. Cold. October is almost over? Yay. After November 4 = Thanksgiving + NBA season = days off = sweet. December = Christmas = more days off + New Years = even more days off = year bonus = awesome / January = poo. Whelp, that's the rest of my year. I guess I don't need to post again until after January. I probably will though. Okay, you're right I probably most likely won't. Sue me.

mbh signing off...

Chaffed nut sacks r "nut" so fun...

Either I'm getting old (yup) or 3 days of Disneyland is just too much for me. They changed Pirates (bastards!), Small World was closed because it wasn't politically correct enough (ha ha) and I went on Splash Mountain for the first time. I found out why they call it "Splash" Mountain. I got soaked and all that walking around chaffed my nut sack like no other. I was walking bowlegged for the rest of the day. Not to mention my balls felt like someone took a sander to them. Poor little guys couldn't take all that walking. I felt like stealing one of those drivable wheelchairs so I could rest my aching nads. Alas, chaffing didn't ruin my whole trip. It was fun and now I get to experience the 12 hour drive back home. Joy. I'm ready to go home though. At least I have the next 5 days off from work which rules!

Fall is coming, which sucks!

Okay well, over and out from Anahiem, CA home of the Chaffiest Place on Earth (my balls, tee hee).

-mbh signing off...

P.S. I'm really listening to Gary Numan's recently released JAGGED EDGE album which rules the schools.

Grafitti cataloges my weekend....

Holy shit. 7 months have gone by without a single post from me. I really have to stop doing that.

So much has happened since my last post. Obviously my first car wreck Jan29. Then the day I get it out of the body shop the engine burns up. Insurance company says it was my fault and not from the wreck. Okay.... forked out $6500 for a new Audi A4 engine. Took a while to get my car fixed but once I get it back in March it's running like new. I mean the thing just screams down the road. So I took it for a little test drive after I got it back. A quick over the point of the mountain and back right? Wrong. I flipped around in Lehi and started heading North. I noticed that all the cars in the left lane were slowing down so I moved over to the HOV lane. There was a small fender bender which people were all slowing down to watch. I didn't give a shit and kept driving because my lane was clear. Next thing I know I hear this big BANG and a BMW to my right clipped something. After I glanced to my right I turned back to look ahead when out of nowhere this Acura was spinning and spun into me head on. Holy shit! It felt like my teeth were being yanked outta my head and someone had just taken a sledgehammer to my chest (seatbeat). For some reason my airbag didn't deploy. Probably would have hurt a lot more if it had. So my 30 minutes out of the shop car looking sweet and running even sweeter was just smashed head-on. Took me a second to realize what the hell had just happened to me. I was in a daze. I remember a police officer walking over to me and asking if I was okay. I just nodded my head but then the realization that my car had just been fix and now was likely totaled after I had just forked out $6500 for a new un-insured engine made me sick to my stomach. Well, it was a mix of anger and sickness. I managed to kick open my crumpled door and stand there looking at the carnage that spread across the entire freeway. At that point the police hadn't been able to shut the freeway down so cars are just flying by flinging pieces of broken cars all over the place. Eventually the freeway was shut down and it took 7 people to push/drag my car to the shoulder of the freeway because the tow trucks hadn't arrived yet. I had to pee really bad so I jumped the barrier and climbed down to the trees and took a leak. When I had climbed back up most of the tow trucks had arrived and were loading all the cars. I think there were 7 in a total of two wrecks. My tow truck came from SLC so it took the longest which left me sitting on the barrier talking to the cops about how I viewed the wreck. Eventually my tow truck got there and took me to Hertz for yet another rental car. The accident was ruled that it wasn't my fault. Thank God. I called everyone and told them what had happened and at first no one believed me. Well, the body shop fixed my car in a decent amount of time but when I drove it out of the body shop (again) the engine started on fire and blew up. I was like, no fucking way is this possible. Come to find out that my insurance adjuster didn't look to see if the engine sustained any damage from a HEAD ON COLLISION and the engine (which I still owe like $5000 on) was toast. At least the insurance covered it this time. So it took from the middle of March to July 2nd for my car to be drivable again. Between the insurance company and the auto shop there were so many screw-up's that I almost went insane. I partially did because by then my renters insurance on the car I was driving was used up. I had to move back home because of the amount of money I was spending on rentals and the engine. So I was commuting from Springville (almost 100 miles a day) instead of the 5 miles from living closer to my job. 7 months of this year just about caused me to have a mental breakdown. I lost all focus at work. I had a fuse that was 1/4 of an inch long. Just some bad luck/karma. By the time I got my car back I wasn't even excited. I wish they would have just totaled the thing.

July came and went. I turned 30 on July 21. Whoop-de-fucking-do. Now I'm an old man that gets heartburn from retarded insurance companies and body shops. It's August now and I wish I could say that things have improved but on the outside they may appear to have improved but in the last 7 months something inside me has changed. Yeah, I wake up every morning and look in the mirror and put on my mask for that day but that's all it is. Just a mask to cover how I really feel. And that's the thing that really kills me. How do I really feel? I feel like I'm just a robot. I'm living to breathe. But why? Inhale, exhale. Wake up, go to bed. Go through the motions. Maybe I'm feeling this way because I've spent months and months bottling up everything. No writing, blogging, video blogging or anything. I've become nothing. I have no fight left in me. Have I given up? Have I lost all hope that things can and will get better. But what is wrong? There should be nothing wrong with me but why do I feel like there is? Until I figure out what is going on in this complex head of mine I'll continue to mix and match my masks so I appear like a regular person.

~mbh signing off...

Audi - Rest In Peace: 2002 - 2008

Ouch.

Today has been a really crappy day to say the least. First off, the freeway was dead stop on my way to work due to a big wreck so I took the back road. Well shit. The roads were an ice skating rink and I came up around this corner to find four cars all smashed together with the 4th car in my lane. I was doomed from the start. I hit my brakes and then I tried to e-brake to swing my back end around but I was sliding too fast. I nailed a Jeep and took a shower in glass (I'm still picking glass out of my ears and hair). My Audi is toast! My pictures don't do it justice the amount of damage that happened. I'm sore as hell but in otherwise okay shape. I wish I could say the same for my car but I can't. Angela was freaking all day and I can't blame her because she didn't really know what was going on. I don't blame her.

I guess I should be taking my knock-out meds now. C-ya in dreamland 7.5mg x 3.

-mbh signing off...