My own worst enemy...

Most of the time I am my own worst enemy. The other day I was in such a foul mood for no reason. I was snappy with the guys I work with and just being an asshole. I was starting to feel cheated with life. Like I deserved more than what I currently have. Basically being ungrateful for everything I have accomplished and been blessed with this last year.

I woke up the next morning feeling guilty for having those thoughts and being bitter about my life. You don't know what you have, no matter how small or insignificant you think it is, until it's gone. I've gained and been given so much in my lifetime only to lose it in the end.

How many people get second chances at life? How many people get even more chances than that? I apparently have. I should be happy and grateful, not bitter because it's not what I think it should be!

Now that things are getting back to normal and I have a bank account and savings and whatnot I've been getting paranoid. Seriously paranoid about when "IT" is going to happen. It being losing everything again. I have a hard time spending money as I've mentioned before. What makes me think that I will never get money again??? No idea. Why can't I relax and accept the life that I am living without being paranoid of something bad happening? Something bad happens to everyone, all the time. That is just being alive. But who says I have to focus my energies on that shit? Just a valley in a life of peaks and valleys. Could be.

Maybe this is just reality. Normal life...