All in my head...

Wow. March is almost over. One fourth of the year is gone. Crazy.

I had my last therapy session last Friday. It was good. I'm gonna miss talking with my therapist. She was a great listener and never got bored with my stories. Guess I'm going to have to find someone else to listen to all my stories. I think everyone should go to therapy. When people think of therapy they think of crazy people (who isn't). All I can say is it sure has been nice being able to talk to someone and have them listen. Anyways, she was great and I'll miss our Friday sessions.

I've been thinking alot. Just about random stuff.

I got a new laptop thanks to work. I love it. It's a Dell Inspiron 6000. It's sweet.

I always have in my head what I'm going to write in this thing but when I actually sit down and start typing I can't think of all those great philisophical, earth shaking thoughts that I have.

Oh well, screw it.

Drama makes the world go around...

Drama.

I've had enough of it for two life times.

Now I have to deal with it at work? Hopefully it will all blow over like most the drama that happens at work. My job is my security bubble so when things like this happen it really disrupts things for me. It disrupts things so much that I can't sleep.

On a lighter note, my iPod Mini will be delivered today by Fed EX to where I work. I'm excited. Finally I can once again have mp3's in my car. I'm sick of burning CD's that only have 15-20 songs on them. I end up listening to it over and over and over again. Now I can have some variety while I drive. Sweet. It's only the 4GB unit which is more than enough in my opinion. I can keep 2GB of music I listen to all the time and 2GB of music will be rotated off. That way I can always have my favorite music on hand with some new stuff to keep my playlist fresh.

I love music.

My own worst enemy...

Most of the time I am my own worst enemy. The other day I was in such a foul mood for no reason. I was snappy with the guys I work with and just being an asshole. I was starting to feel cheated with life. Like I deserved more than what I currently have. Basically being ungrateful for everything I have accomplished and been blessed with this last year.

I woke up the next morning feeling guilty for having those thoughts and being bitter about my life. You don't know what you have, no matter how small or insignificant you think it is, until it's gone. I've gained and been given so much in my lifetime only to lose it in the end.

How many people get second chances at life? How many people get even more chances than that? I apparently have. I should be happy and grateful, not bitter because it's not what I think it should be!

Now that things are getting back to normal and I have a bank account and savings and whatnot I've been getting paranoid. Seriously paranoid about when "IT" is going to happen. It being losing everything again. I have a hard time spending money as I've mentioned before. What makes me think that I will never get money again??? No idea. Why can't I relax and accept the life that I am living without being paranoid of something bad happening? Something bad happens to everyone, all the time. That is just being alive. But who says I have to focus my energies on that shit? Just a valley in a life of peaks and valleys. Could be.

Maybe this is just reality. Normal life...

Is anybody hungry?

Hungry like the wolf!

I went and saw Duran Duran last night which was the best concert I have ever been to. Duran Duran is my favorite band and I have been waiting for them to come back to Utah for the last 12 years when they were on the Ordinary World tour. My friend was awesome enough to give me a ticket for Valentines Day but I was sad that she couldn't come herself. She had to leave on business and couldn't go. For being a bunch of old codgers they sure can put on a sweet show. They played a great balance between their new stuff and their old stuff. I was quite happy when they played my favorite song Hold Back the Rain. Not one of their most popular songs so I was happy when they played it 3 songs into the set.

Well, the past is the past now that I am officially off probabtion as of March 11, 2005. Now I can leave the past where it belongs. I am also wrapping up my therapy sessions because supposedly I'm cured! :) My therapist tells me that since my only real problem with life is the fact that I am lonely means my life isn't that bad. She says "You and 28 million other people are lonely so if that's the worst problem you have then you should be happy!". Maybe she's right but being lonely still sucks. :)

So life is good blah blah blah.

Happiness is a bag of penny candy...

Penny candy is good stuff. I can only find a couple gas stations that still sell penny candy where you get to pick them out. Dan's Dash In and Johnny's Drive-In down in Spanish Fork. I wish there was a place closer.

This week has been full of bad karma. From Monday to today things at work have gone wrong. Tomorrow is Friday and this week is over. For that I am thankful. Hopefully next week will be a better one.

One positive thing that is happening is the weather outside is changing to Spring! My hell I hate winter. I'm always much happier in the spring and summer. My therapist says it's seasonal depression which I laughed at. I guess everyone on the planet has seasonal depression. Time to get on the meds. NOT. It's a proven fact that people are happier when the sun is bright and the days are warm. I just like to see the leaves grow back and the grass get green again. Even the air smells good in the springtime. I can't wait for the smell of fresh cut grass and long evenings.

Anyways...