What is wrong with me?!!?!?!?!?!?

Yesterday I finally went back to work where my mind was sharp and I got a ton of things done. I was feeling good, upbeat and overall positive about everything. What a 180 today has brought. My brain is mush. I can't focus and I have the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. Like something bad has happened or will happen very soon.

I miss Angela more than I ever have in my entire life. Like there is a huge hole right through me that only she can fill.

Work is going well. I've been promoted yet again. How the hell did that happen?! I spend two months being retarded in the head and I get promoted twice? WTF! Oh well, not that I'm complaining. Once this fog clears outta my head I'm sure I'll step up to the plate and knock out a few for work. I've never in my life (nor I will probably ever again at a different job) made this much money with a crazy amount of awesome benefits. Life insurance, health, dental, optical, matching 401k, tuition reimbursment, massive annual bonuses, paid vacations, PTO, future stock options and the list goes on and on. How lucky am I? How friggen lucky? I should be dead or a bum on the street or any number of horrible things (that is what I feel like I deserve anyways) but nooooo.

However,

None of that shit even matters to me if I don't have Angela in my life.

I miss her and I feel like I'm going out of my head.

-mbh signing off...

Shadow of Myself...

This is about how i've been feeling these last few days:

too low to find my way

too high to wonder why

i've touched this place before

a summer in another time

now i can hear the sun

the cars drifting through the blinds

a half a million thoughts

are flowing through my mind

I am very blessed. I have a beautiful girlfriend that loves me as much as I love her (VBM). I have a great family and last but not least I have great friends Cody, Jess, Blake. They are all very special to me

~mbh signing off